In this reflection we grant ourselves what we have been waiting for others to grant.
You are allowed to enjoy this.
Not in theory. Not eventually. Not once you have done enough work or become a different version of yourself. Now. As you are. With the body and history and complications you currently have.
Pleasure often comes with guilt attached. Years of messages that said wanting was dangerous. That enjoyment needed to be earned. That some kinds of pleasure were acceptable and others were shameful. The body learned to brace against its own responses.
So now you can be in a moment that is objectively good and still feel like you are doing something wrong. Like you need to justify why you deserve to feel this. Like someone is watching and judging and you need to explain yourself.
No one is watching. And even if they were, you do not owe them an explanation.
Pleasure is not a reward for good behavior. It is not something you earn through deprivation or discipline. It is a basic part of being alive. A signal your body sends to tell you something is working.
The guilt around pleasure is not yours. It was taught. And what was taught can be unlearned.
Unlearning takes time. You do not flip a switch and suddenly feel free. You notice the guilt when it arrives. You name it. You remind yourself that you are allowed. And then you try to stay present anyway.
Some pleasure will still feel complicated. Some enjoyment will still carry echoes of old shame. That is okay. You can feel the complication and still choose to be present. Both things can exist at once.
You are allowed to enjoy this. Say it to yourself until it starts to land.