Intimacy means someone is watching. And watching means you cannot hide.
In this reflection we sit with what it means to be witnessed.
You can be naked in front of someone and still be hiding. You can do the motions, feel the sensations, be technically present while most of you is somewhere else. Watching yourself. Managing the experience. Making sure you look okay.
Actually being seen is different. It requires dropping the management. Letting someone observe you in a state you cannot control. Pleasure, need, wanting, the faces you make when you are not performing for anyone.
That is terrifying. Not because there is anything wrong with you. But because the things we feel most private about are the things we most need validation for. And validation requires exposure.
The fear of being seen during intimacy often starts before the intimacy. It starts with the story you tell yourself about what is acceptable. What sounds you are allowed to make. What desires are normal. What your body should look like when someone else is looking at it.
These stories are rarely yours. They came from somewhere. Media, past partners, offhand comments you absorbed without realizing. They live in your body now and they tighten things when you could be open.
Being seen is not about doing anything differently. It is about letting go of the layer that manages perception. The internal director that is always asking how this looks from the outside.
This is a practice. Not a switch you flip. You do not go from hidden to exposed in one moment. You move closer in increments. Notice when you are managing. Notice what you are trying to hide. Ask if you want to try something different.
The people worth being intimate with are the ones who make it safer to be seen. Who do not critique what comes out when you stop performing. Who meet your realness with theirs.
Being seen is terrifying. But it is also the only way intimacy works. Connection happens in the exposure, not around it.
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