Limits let people in. Walls keep everyone out. Know which one you are building.
In this reflection we clarify the difference between protecting and hiding.
A boundary says: this is what I can do. This is what I cannot do. This is where I end.
A wall says: no one gets in. No exceptions. I learned my lesson.
They can look similar from the outside. Both involve saying no. Both involve limit-setting. Both can feel uncomfortable for people who are used to unlimited access to you.
But they come from different places.
A boundary comes from self-knowledge. You have learned what you need. You know what costs too much. You can articulate where the line is and why it matters. The boundary serves connection by making it sustainable.
A wall comes from fear. Someone hurt you and now no one gets close enough to do it again. The wall does not distinguish between safe people and unsafe people. It just blocks everyone. That is the point.
Walls are effective. They do prevent pain. But they also prevent closeness. You cannot have intimacy through a wall. You can only have distance. Comfortable, lonely, self-protective distance.
Some people call their walls boundaries because it sounds healthier. They frame isolation as self-care. But if the boundary keeps everyone out, it is not a boundary. It is armor.
Boundaries have doors. They open for the right people. They allow connection under the right conditions. They protect you while still making relationship possible.
If your boundaries never open, that is worth examining. What are you protecting? What are you afraid will happen if you let someone in? What is the wall really about?
Building a wall after being hurt makes sense. It is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. But staying behind it forever means the person who hurt you wins. They get to keep you locked away indefinitely.
Boundaries let you choose. Walls take the choice away.
Learn which one you are building.
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